Tri- Happiness

     Happiness: as defined by Wikipedia; a mental state of well being characterized by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.
      Gratitude: as defined by Wikipedia; the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful, appreciation is a positive emotion in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received.

     Admittedly, I have not felt either of those emotions in the last week or so. After losing my aunt to cancer and then two days later finding that an old employer and friend passed away from a health complication, my happiness level has been challenged, along with a feeling of what do I possibly have any gratitude towards right now? My husband has taken a new job, which will lead us out of Pennsylvania, and he is gone now most weeks leaving me the challenging task of caring for two boys and selling our home. I'm not complaining, just simply stating what's going on.
     But life is full of peaks and valleys, highs and lows. As usual, I have turned to running, swimming, and biking these past few days to figure out a way to feel these emotions of gratitude and happiness. Ironically, my book club is reading, The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin this month, and for me the book couldn't have come at a better time.
     I feel a strong connection with the book. Gretchen Rubin has a family, she is writer and an avid reader. I feel as though I could go out and have a cup of coffee with her, as we have similar likes and dislikes and a commonality in the fact that, I too write, love to read, have two children and a husband. In her book she spends a year trying to make her life more meaningful. She tries to figure out what makes her life happier. In the process, she realizes that is isn't necessarily big things or big changes that make her happy but mostly being true to herself; tuning into what she likes to do and accepting what she can and cannot do. She calls it, "Being Gretchen," and I have found that to ring true for myself.
     I can relate to The Happiness Project because like Gretchen searching for happiness, I too am searching for meaning in life each day. Rubin found happiness through organizing, writing a blog (sound familiar?), having more free time, taking life less seriously, trying to live more in the "moment," and by pursuing  a passion. I know triathlon makes me happy because I can do good for others by earning money for causes. I can also feel a sense of accomplishment for the distances I've travelled, and the work that went into training before an event. Through triathlon, I can get a sense of the meaning of life, or at least the meaning of my life. In a sense, we all have our own happiness project.
     Yet still, a sense of  sadness had come over me the last few days. Grieving is a strange process. According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross there are five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. I think I've gone through all of those stages and was comforted to know that I was normal in feeling these emotions. Death is just as much a part of life as trying to figure out what our own personal meaning is.
     Rubin also wrote about gratitude in her book. I've definitely been looking for more of that, and as I read on, I learned that she too had gone through some difficult times. She decided that it was important to write each day about what she was grateful for, even during "down" times. I've blogged about gratitude before and the importance, but will admit that I might not practice in this ritual each day. I decided to pull myself out of my "slump" and practice what Rubin describes in her book as a gratitude list.
    So here goes: I am thankful for being able to do triathlons (come on you knew that), I am thankful for the opportunity for a great company called HydroWorx to sponsor my efforts as a triathlete, I am glad that my aunt passed away at home with her family near, I am thankful for two great boys and a great husband. I have great friends, family, and colleagues. I have my health. I have everything I need. I am thankful to be able to write as an outlet and also as a way to communicate my gratitude.
     Looking at my list, I felt a sense of happiness. Acceptance had set in, the last phase of my grieving process. It's time to focus on my upcoming event at the end of May. While my training has been consistent, I could probably use some ramping up with a little more than a month away from my first tri. So, like Gretchen Rubin made a list of her goals, I too decided to write down more of my training goals, and in doing so felt happy.
     This blog is about what I'm going through in triathlon, but it is also about what is happening in life.Triathlon happens to be my Happiness Project, but I hope to have at least made you think about what your own happiness project is or could be.

Happy Training,
Kelly