Tri-Dentity

Identity n.- characteristics by which a person or thing is recognized or defined.

      There are many things that define us as people. Some people are defined by their careers. Family defines many of us and even possessions can play a large role in who we think we are. I had always been associated with what I did for employment. I don't want to say that it completely defined me as a person, but in some way I was identified by where I was working. My first job, at age sixteen, was at Bob's Big Boy in Fairlawn, Ohio. I wore a brown polyester uniform with fluorescent stripes on my apron. I was thrilled at being a server. My friends nick-named me,"Big Boy-girl." I didn't care, in fact I thought it was funny.
     I worked at Payless Shoes for a while in high school and was known as,"Payless Queen." I didn't mind. After college I moved to North Carolina and got my first "real" job as a manager for a bagel bakery. I had just graduated and really wanted something in my field of communications, but I needed to pay the bills so I took the job at Bruegger's. Six years later, I was The Director of Training, where I helped train and develop managers. The program was the first in the country and I helped design it. I took an ordinary job and made my mark. I was known to my friends as the,"bagel-lady."  After I left Bruegger's, I took a sales job for a computer hardware and software company. The funny part is when I started there I had no idea what I was selling, but I was successful because I loved talking to my customers.  My nick-name there,"computer chick."
     Then I had my first child and my husband and I decided that it would be in our son's best interest for me to stay home. We lived far from our families and didn't want to pay outrageous prices for day-care. I thought it would be so great to just be a "mom," for a while and take care of my son. Having my two sons was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I won't lie, in the beginning, it was hard for me to be a stay at home parent. I felt a part of "me" was gone.
     Most of my friends were still working when I had Bryce. I found that I was lonely and tired most of the time raising a new born. I joined a play group when he was a toddler, and while that helped get me out of the house, I was still craving something more in my life. I know it sounds selfish, but I missed being out in the working world, I missed talking to people that had more to offer than decorating and cooking tips. 
     When my husband came home from work I talked incessantly. He was my only contact sometimes to the outside world. He was tired too, as he was building his career, and  for the first time he was tackling all of the finances.  Needless to say, he wasn't always interested in my day of diaper changing, laundry, chores, and the first milestones or lack of them with our new child.
     Later, we learned that my son was speech delayed and that he had a mild heart problem. When he first entered school there were more problems, as he couldn't focus or write his letters. His brain wasn't connecting to the muscles in his hand, he had something called dyspraxia. Thankfully, he had a wonderful kindergarten teacher that recognized the problems and immediately brought them to my attention. We were proactive in getting him the help he needed to succeed in school. I am proud to say that today, at the age of thirteen, Bryce is an honor roll student at Northern Middle School, but more importantly an awesome young man.

 

The two most important parts of my identity:)

     Bryce's elementary school years were tough; it was a long road to get him to middle school. I felt isolated most of the time talking to other parents about his Attention Deficit Disorder. None of my friends with kids had anything like that. My husband was very supportive of whatever I wanted to do to render these issues, but was preoccupied. The reality was that I felt more alone than ever.
       I joined the YMCA when Bryce was two and it was a place to exercise at first; later it became my outlet. I met other mothers and it helped to have a place to work out where I could leave my kids and feel comfortable. I used the pool, ran on the treadmill and every once in a while I'd do a spin class; I loved cross training as I never grew tired of one thing.
     Then in 2002, I saw an ad for a sprint triathlon in a local magazine. I had always wanted to try one and with my swimming background I thought it sounded like fun. I read a book called Triathloning for Ordinary Mortals to train and learn about triathlon racing.I completed my first triathlon called Triangle Triathlon in Raleigh, NC that July.
     Needless to say I was hooked. I used my old mountain bike and wore a camel back for water, two mistakes, but I loved every minute of it. I made plans for my next triathlon after I finished.
     Training time for my first event, and then later others, was therapeutic. I could think and plan and suddenly the challenges my son was facing did not seem to overwhelm me as much as in the past. I was able to throw my body into a rhythm and while I was working out my mind seemed to get into a meditative state. I began to feel whole again.
     After my first event I felt as though I had part of my identity back. I had given up a career and all that goes with that and I had become someone's mom. I was now known as "Bryce's mom," and later as," Nick's mom." My husbands colleagues knew me as,"Mark's wife." Even at the YMCA I was known as ,"that mom who works out a lot." All of those titles are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but someone else was attached to those identities. Triathlon gave me back a piece of myself that wasn't attached to anyone except Kelly.
     This entry is an important one. I wanted to share with other women,( and men too), honestly, about how mothers (and fathers), can give so much of themselves that we lose who we are. We are defined by many roles, but triathlon gave me back an important part of my identity.

Tri-on Friends!
Kelly